Dear Diary,

I have dedicated a large part of my time this year to discover the person I am and to understand the woman that stares back at me in the mirror. It so far has been a journey and at times painful. To truly want to explore your inner self can be very emotional , as you often will find traits about yourself that are not pleasant and habits and patterns that seem to not want to be broken. No one ever told me that life was at times so wonderful and at others so unfair and arduous. I feel like just when I've gotten to a point where i can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel; something comes along and obstructs my view and breaks my spirit a little. In a city like as New York there are days when I feel I could explode full of frustration and hopelessness and other days like I could fly if given a pair of wings upon which to glide. I never thought I would live in NYC and never dreamed of living in the center of it all in Manhattan.


I've made alot of mistakes , but feel I am here for a reason, the only frustrating part is I haven't yet found that reason or purpose. The search for one's identity is life long with no guarantee of an answer to justify the quest.

Which leads me to the topic of love. I am independent, strong, and hard headed. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and do what I want, when I want , and with whomever I choose. With that being said it's hard for myself and many women like me to find a mate who accepts us for those traits. I want to love and be loved for who I am and be understood for my faults and shortcomings. I want to respect my man, but to be respected as his equal. I want to fall in love with someone who understands that underneath all this glamour, attitude, and divaesque persona I am still a woman who feels and wants to be felt. That I am vulnerable and scared. And he is needed and wanted in my life.

I am approaching a time in my life that I question" is this it?", am I going to be the cautionary tale of the single girl who never quite lives up to her potential.

People say there's so much time, but in reality time isn't guaranteed to anyone nor is the happily ever, half an hour sitcom ending. Sometimes in life we never get over our insecurities or that failed relationship. Everyday is a struggle to understand life and love , because without those things you are not human and without the search you are not living.

T